Before I start on my NY story - which already is crazy... - I want to highlight some of the fantastic work being done by Murray High School in Charlottesville, Virginia. So, they are a Quality school which means they embed the values of William Glasser's Choice Theory in how the school is run. This means the below axioms are the principles of their school... working with at risk and previously 'NEET' as we would say in London. They are simply revolutionary.

1.         The only person whose behavior you can control is your own. 

 2.         All we can give to or get from another person is information.     - i.e we can interpret what other people say, have feelings, opinions about it etc but inevitably it is simply information.

 3.         All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.  A partial cause of  many other problems, such as pain, fatigue, weakness and some chronic diseases is relationship problems.  - i.e we haven't built the ability to have positive/productive relationships or communicate through things in an appropriate way etc

 4.         The problem relationship is always part of our present lives.  ?????

 5.         What happened in the past that was painful has a great deal to do with what we are today, but revisiting this painful past can contribute little or nothing to what we need to do now: improve an important, present relationship.

 6.         We are driven by five genetic needs:  survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun. 

 7.         We can satisfy our five needs only by satisfying a picture or pictures in our quality worlds.  Of all we know, what we choose to put into our quality worlds is the most important.    - Glasser believes that each of us start to build a Quality World from a very young age and every behaviour/action/thing we do i life is because of what is in our quality world - future goals, ideals, morals, people we want relationships with, those we don't, even materials - houses/cars/clothes etc etc etc

8.         All we can do from birth to death is behave.  All behavior is total behavior and is made up of four inseparable components:  acting, thinking, feeling and physiology.    - Glasser believes that by changing our thoughts we will change our actions which can then lead to a change in our feelings - i.e we are in control of our feelings... or at least we can be when we 'choose' to be! As re-iterated in axiom 10

 9.         All total behavior is designated by verbs, usually infinitives and gerunds, and named by the component that is most recognizable.  For example, I am choosing to depress, or  am depressing, instead of, I am suffering from depression or I am depressed.

 10.       All total behavior is chosen, but we have direct control over only the acting and thinking components.  We can, however, control our feelings and physiology indirectly through how we choose to act and think.

 *11.     Almost all relationships can be resuscitated by giving up the seven deadly habits, even if only one party stops using them.  If both are willing to do this, literally, any relationship, even a marriage, has a good chance of being saved.